Tour Begins Tonight in Norfolk, VA
|
Toodles, ya parasitic bohabs. It’s me, Sleazy P Martini. As you may already know, GWAR will be out on the GWAR Eternal Tour starting tonight because Thai ladyboys don’t pay for themselves. You smarter Bohabs have probably even noticed that GWAR has undergone a lineup change.
The reason for this is the absence of Oderus Urungus due to his return to space. First of all, let’s clear something up: Oderus is not dead! Nor is GWAR. Now, admittedly things will be different. For instance, with Oderus’s absence, touring expenses will be scaled back considerably as crack usage by the band will drop by over nine tons a day. To which I, the CIA and the Medellin Cartel respond with a collective: “Phew!” Now all those drug mules crossing the border can use the extra butt space for more important things such as food, water and more relatives.
Of course, there are many in the scene (code for no-talents) who say that with Oderus out of the band, GWAR should hang it up. To which I must respond: If I wanted your opinion, I would just knock you unconscious and urinate on your face. Which wouldn’t elicit much of an opinion at all – just the way I like it. You see, GWAR is a perpetual and unstoppable force. If I tried to retire them, I most certainly would end up flayed, shredded, pulled and served with coleslaw and fries to Gor-Gor. One who is a lion tamer cannot suddenly decide to stop and ask his lions to become house cats. And GWAR‘s lust for human carnage cannot properly be met in semi-retirement on the talk-show circuit. So the shows must go on. And they have, starting with Riot Fest in Chicago. The GWAR Eternal Tour starts tonight in Norfolk, VA. and goes through December 13th in Baltimore, MD
Now, there are some who would say, “How can you find a lead singer as talented as Oderus Urungus?” To which I have responded by having famed archeologist Dr. Richard Leaky travel to Antarctica to dig up another immortal Scumdog. According to Dr. Dick, these furballs are stacked up in GWAR‘s fortress basement like chicken pot pies four for a buck. In fact, I have already thawed out one promising prospect named Blóthar. While not as talented a singer as most primates, he’s definitely better than Justin Bieber or the entire One Direction line up.
GWAR W/ Decapitated and American Sharks: 10/15: Norfolk, VA @ The Norva 10/16: Sayreville, NJ @ Starland Ballroom 10/17: Stroudsburg, PA @ Sherman Theater 10/18: Worcester, MA @ The Palladium – “Rock and Shock Festival” 10/19: Buffalo, NY @ The Town Ballroom 10/21: Louisville, KY @ Expo Five**** 10/22: Memphis, TN @ New Daisy Theater 10/23: Dallas, TX @ Gas Monkey Live 10/24: New Orleans, LA @ House of Blues 10/25: Austin, TX @ Emo’s – “Housecore Horror Film Festival* 10/26: Houston, TX @ Warehouse Live 10/28: Oklahoma City, OK @ Diamond Ballroom 10/29: Sauget, IL @ Pop’s Nightclub 10/30: Lawrence, KS @ Granada Theater 10/31: Denver, CO @ The Summit Music Hall** 11/1: Albuquerque, NM @ Sunshine Theater 11/3: Santa Ana, CA @ The Observatory 11/4: Reno, NV @ Knitting Factory Concert House 11/5: San Francisco, CA @ The Regency Ballroom 11/6: Hollywood, CA @ House of Blues 11/7: Las Vegas, NV @ Hard Rock Live 11/8: Magna, UT @ The Great Salt Air 11/10: Boise, ID @ Knitting Factory Concert House 11/11: Portland, OR @ Roseland Theater 11/12: Seattle, WA @ Showbox SODO
GWAR W/ TBA and American Sharks: 11/14: Vancouver, BC and Commodore Ballroom
GWAR W/ Corrosion of Conformity and American Sharks: 11/15: Spokane, WA @ Knitting Factory Concert House 11/16: Calgary, AB @ MacEwan Hall Ballroom 11/17: Edmonton, AB @ Union Hall 11/20: Minneapolis, MN @ Skyway Theater 11/21: Milwaukee, WI @ The Rave 11/23: Grand Rapids, MI @ The Intersection*** 11/25: Indianapolis, IN @ The Vogue 11/26: Cleveland, OH @ House of Blues 11/28: Charlotte, NC @ Tremont Music Hall 11/29: Philadelphia, PA @ Electric Factory 11/30: New York, NY @ Irving Plaza 12/3: Asheville, NC @ The Orange Peel 12/4: Pensacola, FL @ Venue 578 12/5: Orlando, FL @ Firestone Live 12/6: Atlanta, GA @ The Masquerade 12/7: Columbus, OH @ Newport Music Hall 12/8: Millvale, PA @ Mr. Smalls Theater 12/9: Toronto, ON @ Opera House 12/10: Montreal, QC @ Virgin Mobile Corona Theater 12/11: Clifton Park, NY @ Upstate Concert Hall 12/12: New Haven, CT @ Toad’s Place 12/13: Baltimore, MD @ Baltimore Sound Stage
*No American Sharks **Havok plays on this show *** The Meatmen play on this show **** Huntress plays on this show |