Turbo Rules – In Memoriam

John “Turbo” Shatesky

01/25/1980 – 07/28/2023

Celebrity Big Brother Was A Bunch Of Big Babies

There’s not much outside the world of rock and metal that I’m addicted to equally besides hockey. But Big Brother has become one of those addictions since my friend and ex-Kittie member Jennifer “JennCity” Arroyo was on. Which is ironic since in college I wrote a paper that stated how bad reality television is. So as any television addiction I was excited to hear that CBS was FINALLY taking the risk and doing a Celebrity Edition of Big Brother. More so because it was a speed version that took place during the Olympics when no other television shows were competing for viewers. While I had urges to write during the short season I fought the urge and decided to write my collective thoughts now that it’s over. But First, let me remind you who the 11 houseguests were on Celebrity Big Brother Season 1.

Your Houseguests were:
– Ariadna Gutiérrez (Miss Universe 2015 Runner Up)
– Brandi Glanville (Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills)
– Chuck Liddell (UFC)
– James Maslow (Big Time Rush singer/actor)
– Keshia Knight Pulliam (Rudy from The Cosby Show)
– Marissa Jaret Winokur (Broadway actress)
– Mark McGrath (Sugar Ray’s singer)
– Metta World Peace (Former NBA player)
– Omarosa Manigault (The Apprentice)
– Ross Mathews (Celebrity TV Host)
– Shannon Elizabeth (American Pie)

If you read through that list and found yourself going “who?” more than once you’re not alone. While I knew who 4 of them were when it was announced the truth is most of America and its viewers probably didn’t know at least half of this list. But after all we all know the Celebrity television competition shows always have D-List or lower on them. Very few times do we get current celebrities.

WARNING: Reading beyond this point will include details that count as spoilers so if you didn’t watch Celebrity Big Brother yet but intend to STOP HERE!!!

Ok, if you’re still with me let’s continue.

You’ll also notice that it was a short list meaning everyone was guaranteed jury. That’s right, no “sorry you quit your job for a week for nothing” like Big Brother. It also meant no Have-Not Room. Now you could argue not having a full backyard because the 3-week version meant competitions were always being prepped was almost like having a Have-Not Room but not really since everyone had a nice comfy bed and an actual room setup as a gym where they could work out everyday. Unlike Big Brother where houseguests get a Have-Not Room with uncomfortable sleeping conditions and losing days of working out because the workout gear was outside and “sorry no workout non celebrity houseguests because we need to build a competition.”

Also while I’m discussing the catering to celebrities let’s talk literal catering. They had wine and beer a available nightly and at the halfway mark got sushi and chocolate cake to celebrate. While non celebrities have to hide beer and use it as leverage like Gollum in Lord Of The Rings and get pizza from a local shop at their halfway mark which is 45 days in, longer than the whole celebrity season.

Now let’s dig in a bit to the season itself with what stuck out to me and I’m sure others. Please know I went into the season open minded and hoping to like all of them by the end. Needless to say that didn’t last.

First, Omarosa. Wow do I see why she’s always looked at as a villain and disliked by many. During the very first Head Of Household (HoH) she stuck her nose in where it didn’t belong. As James and Shannon were holding tightly as the last two of the “Award Squeezin’” competition James was going to propose a deal. Yet before he even spoke Omarosa interrupted and stopped anything right there. Which was just the beginning of her arrogance.

Then a few days later she approaches Keisha and, knowing cameras are rolling, proposes an alliance called Black Girl Magic because that’s how they needed to play to survive. Really?!? You play a race card knowing your being filmed 24 hours a day and then during tonight’s finale call for unity. That my friends is a hypocrite in my books and it’s a shame gameplay of others shook up the game so much that she didn’t get evicted until after Final 5.

And whose gameplay screwed it up. Keisha and Metta. Both pulling a punk move and asking to be voted out instead of self evicting like houseguests do during normal Big Brother. Here’s a video explaining Keisha’s plea which I ripped on social media:

Her child is a year old not new born. Keisha knew EXACTLY what Big Brother is about and the drama that comes with it. If her situation was that bad then she shouldn’t have agreed to the show in the first place or self evicted allowing the HoH to choose a replacement for that week.

And a few evictions later Metta World Peace pulled the same punk move and asked to be evicted because he missed his family. He too should’ve self evicted. His forced eviction once again changed the gameplay for that particular eviction. Both Keisha and Metta didn’t screwed up the game for their fellow houseguests which shows how selfish they truly are.

Thankfully the rest of Celebrity Big Brother played out as a regular Big Brother should play out. Deals, pivots, alliances, and a drunk named Brandi.

But until tonight’s finale. I’m not saying Marissa didn’t deserve to win but she is the definition of Big Brother floater. She talked, was cute, was fun, but in the end didn’t really do anything but stay alive while Ross played the game all the way around. More than one alliance, competitive, and got his hands dirty when needed. The jury voted with personal feelings and not overall gameplay resulting in Ross getting robbed of $250,000.

Did Celebrity Big Brother show how they’re more babies than people? Yes. Did money guarantee forced Keisha and Metta to force a vote instead of self evict? Probably. Would I watch Celebrity Big Brother Season 2 IF it happens? ABSOLUTELY I would. It had more drama and gave regular Big Brother houseguests reasons to demand better accommodations and catering. Now to count the days, and get back sleep I lost watching Big Brother After Dark, until Big Brother Season 20 starts on CBS this summer.

Justen Bieber