Human Scum! Your malevolent lords and masters GWAR command you to attend the 5th Annual GWAR B-Q – August 16th at Hadad’s Lake (7900 Osborne Turnpike, Richmond, VA 23231) where we will personally stuff your ugly faces with fistfuls of beer, food and fun until you PUKE!! Along with our sponsors Mt. Baker Vapor, Brown Distributing, Cigar City Brewing, Genessee Cream Ale and Monster Energy Drink, we personally ensure all humans in attendance will have the time of their pathetic lives at what is shaping up to be the bloodiest bash of the summer.
GWAR Beer islegendary for being the GWARiest of alcoholic beverages (sorry, Irish GWAR bombs…). Cigar City Brewing has again teamed up with your Scumdog rulers to create a new, and limited edition GWAR BEER: a premium craft brewed “KILLSNER” (pilsner). Readily available at any and all GWAR B-Q festivities, this 5.55% high-octane beer will provide cool refreshment while scrambling your tiny brains. Enough of this stuff, and even you will seem appealing to the herd of tipsy sex cows milling about just waiting to molest you the instant you pass out in a pile of your own effervescent spew.
Who knew GWAR‘S own BALSAC the JAWS O’ DEATH was a culinary genius? His specially formulated GWAR B-Q Sauce has become harder to locate than Gor-Gor’s leash, but plenty will be on hand at the GWAR B-Q! Spray it on your meat of choice – be it flank, rib, chicken or your own puffy forearm. BalSac recommends his own creation: the GWAR B-Q Meat Sandwich, a painfully scrumptious smoked pork butt that will leave you gagging for more! BalSac’s culinary expertise and delectable menu will be fully realized upon the completion of the GWARbar, fulfilling a longtime dream of Slave Pit Inc. and founder, Dave Brockie. Throw it a “Like” on Facebook at facebook.com/GWARbar to stay up-to-date on the grand opening.
Speaking of Brockie, GWAR B-Q attendees will have a chance to pay respects to GWAR’s founder and frontman at the memorial service taking place from 4:00pm to 7:00pm on Friday, August 15th at Hadad’s Lake. Price of admission? Just a bucket of your tears! Pay tribute to Brockie in the manner of a viking warrior returning to Valhalla, as his alter ego Oderus Urungus is set ablaze upon the SS Boat. Be there when we send the Immortal Corruptor on his journey back home to Scumdogia and beyond.
The two stages at the GWAR B-Q will be packed all day with more brutal bands than you can shake your index and pinkie fingers at. Many of them have already sounded off in anticipation of the event:
Rumor has it that one scale-tipping special guest is yet to be revealed. The world is not yet ready, but you’re encouraged to keep an eye on gwarbq.com for announcements!
For a full list of announced acts, click over to gwarbq.com/bands/.
Of course, the biggest news is that GWAR willheadline this festival of human depravity. Those brave enough to attend will have the special, once in a lifetime experience of seeing old-school GWAR legends Slymenstra Hymen, Sexecutioner and Sleazy P. Martini back in action, performing on stage with the most dangerous band in the universe!
Sleazy exclaims, “You can rest assured your corpse will not be wasted as the utmost care will be used to supervise the mass slaughter of all participants, resulting in an orderly disposal and recycling of all corpses for the following year’s GWAR B-Q. The meat has to come from somewhere! So be there to help feed the starving masses. Buy your tickets now and reserve your corpse a place at the top of the heap.”
Details have been scarce about the GWafter Party, because frankly we didn’t think anyone would be conscious or alive to attend it. But on the off chance we’re wrong, zombies are directed to march to Bandito’s Burrito Lounge (2905 Patterson Avenue, Richmond, VA 23221) directly after the GWAR B-Q on the night of Saturday, August 16th. There, Mudd Helmut and Creep-A-Zoids will perform; re-animated corpses will gorge on Mexi-Cali food; and awkward conversations with well-known musicians will be had.
Five Richmond hotels that offer better accommodations than you deserve are willing to let you jump on their beds and stain their sheets red for a discounted rate. Holiday Inn, Hilton Garden Inn, Hampton Inn, Holiday Inn Express and Homewood Suites all have special deals for GWAR B-Q attendees. So wash your pits, crotch and teeth before you get to the show just to have your chiclets loosened from you skull in the pit by aboot to the grill. Go to gwarbq.com/crashing-out/ for details and group codes.
Don’t forget: Parking at Hadad’s Lake is limited and single-occupant vehicles will be turned away at the gate! Shuttle buses will be running between local annex parking lots, the VCU campus and downtown Richmond straight to Hadad’s Lake. Locations and schedules will be made available between now and eternity at gwarbq.com/transportation.